Episode 15: 5 Steps To Asserting Your Influence
APPLE PODCASTS │ SPOTIFY │ GOOGLE PODCASTS
Want a new job? A promotion? Have someone agree with your idea? Approve your last minute budget request? Or stop scheduling meetings at 4pm on Fridays? Your ability to influence others is the single most important skill you must develop in order to be effective at work and in life. But we often think influencing means manipulating people or lacking transparency. This couldn’t be further from the truth!
In this episode learn:
How asserting your influence is the most important skill for your career success
Why putting our heads down and doing good work won't get us the promotion
Why we resist influencing others
How to build and assert your influence
Full Transcript:
[00:01:05] Welcome back to the Upgraded Career podcast. I'm your host Nicole Case, and today we are talking about asserting our influence. So do you want a new job? Do you want a promotion? Do you want someone to agree with your I your idea, or to approve your last minute budget request? Or maybe you want somebody to stop scheduling meetings at 4:00 PM on Fridays.
[00:01:31] Your ability to influence others is the single most important skill you must develop in order to be effective at work and in your life. , but we often think that influencing means manipulating people or lacking transparency, and that's just not true. And the reality is we are being influenced all day every day.
[00:01:54] The shirt I'm wearing today is a result of reading Amazon reviews and deciding this was the right shirt for me. I'll actually link to it in the show notes because I love this thing. I've got, I've got it in like five different colors, so I'll link it there in case you're in. But today specifically, we're gonna talk about why asserting our influence, again, is that critical skill for our careers and how to do it in a way that feels authentic to you.
[00:02:22] So when I was doing research for this topic, I came across a really, really great just definition about what is influence and I, and I literally found this in Miriam Webster's dictionary. So no place fancy or anything. And what they said about influence was that influence is a noun and that influence is the power to change or affect someone or something.
[00:02:49] And it's especially the power to cause changes without directly forcing those changes to happen. You're just able to communicate maybe the benefits or you're able to communicate just, just really clearly the reasons why this decision needs to be made or this behavior needs to happen, and you're just doing it in a way that that enables that other person to be like, yeah, you're right, we should do.
[00:03:14] Way. And so it doesn't feel forced or doesn't feel like they don't have a choice. And so again, when I'm like, I was doing research for, for this topic, I was really thinking about, you know, where do we, where do we find influence in our day-to-day lives? Well, again, for me, I'm definitely finding influence in Instagram where I'm getting influenced by other, by people that are literally called influencers.
[00:03:41] To think a certain way or to buy a certain thing, and like I really, I appreciate that because I personally am, I'm short, I'm petite, and sometimes it's hard for me to find clothes that fit and look good on me. And so I follow a lot of petite women influencers that tell me all about the really awesome clothes that they find.
[00:04:04] I also follow. , um, beauty influencers. And so there's been a lot of makeup in skincare that I, I have purchased and used because somebody who knows more than me about all of the really great products out there have said, Hey, I've already tried this. These are the reasons why I think you should try it. And you'd like this, you'd like this thing as well.
[00:04:29] You know, I encourage you to go buy it. And, oh, and by the way, here's a, here's a discount or a coupon code if you, if you buy it for my link, you know, , I am happy to give that person, um, some extra likes or some extra clicks on their links so they can continue to, they, so they can continue to do the hard work out there because it saves me a whole lot of time in effort going to Sephora, you know, every week and buying 15 different foundations and before I find the one that works for me.
[00:04:56] By the way, I'm really into Fendi right now, like Rihanna's beauty brand. I'm super into her. Foundation and her, um, contouring sticks, like highly, highly recommend and they come in a lot of like 53 different colors, which or shades, which is great cuz that's super, super inclusive. So anyhow, just again, I was influenced to go try Fendi and I did and I'm a huge fan.
[00:05:21] So here I am influencing you perhaps to go try it out for yourself. The other thing that I was thinking about when, um, when I was thinking about this topic around influence was just Time Magazine. Time one hundred's, um, biggest influencers, right? And time has done, um, this, this influencer list for years now.
[00:05:43] And, um, so I did a little bit of searching, um, and looking up their history. And I came across a quote from one of their former managing editors from, um, 2007. And I think he really just also describes influence really well. Um, but what he said was that influence is hard to measure. And what we look for is people whose ideas, whose example, whose talent, whose discoveries transform the world we live in.
[00:06:10] Influence is less about the hard power of force and more about the soft power of ideas and example. And again, I thought that was another really great definition of influence. So it's just. , even you behaving and showing up in a certain way influences how people treat you or influences how people, um, think about your ideas or it influences just if people are listening you, you know, to begin with or not.
[00:06:38] And, and it, again, it's less about. Coming down and forcing someone, or dictating somebody to think about our ideas or, or behave or treat us in a certain way. It's more about just how we show up in the world and how, how we are presenting those ideas and the example that we're setting that causes people to say, yeah, we're gonna go ahead and go with, we're gonna go ahead and go with her idea because.
[00:07:06] Subconsciously probably that they trust you and they, they respect you. And maybe you have done some things in the past that causes them to say, yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and, and, and trust this and, and, and move forward with this idea or with this project.
[00:07:22] So again, influencing is really just that I'm gonna say certain things or behave in a certain way to influence the. To influence the beliefs that you have about me or for you to treat me in a certain way or for you, for you to do something that I want, want you to do. But I'm gonna do this in a way that's not forceful, that's not making you feel like you don't have a choice.
[00:07:42] Cuz once again, that's more manipulation, right? Or that's more. Um, directing or that's more micromanaging, but asserting your influence is just, is just so important. And it's important particularly in, in our work and in our businesses because we need to influence in order for our ideas. To be heard and valued.
[00:08:09] We have to be able to talk about the ideas that we have in order to move something forward. And we just, we want people to say, yeah, whatever. I, whenever, whenever you stand up and talk, Nicole, I wanna listen to what you have to say cuz I know you're gonna say something. Really value add, asserting your influence is also important so that you can highlight the impact that you're making at work.
[00:08:30] Secondly, asserting your influence is really important In order to highlight your impact, highlight the impact of of the specific work that you're doing, or highlight the work that your team is doing and what happens whenever people get eyes. On your, on your work or eyes on your team, you might get more resources, you might get more budget to be able to keep doing what you're doing, or based on what's going on in the market right now, you might be safe from a restructure or a layoff situation because.
[00:09:04] people understand and see the value in the work that you're doing. And again, you can be doing the best work on the planet, but if nobody knows that that's what you're doing and sees the value and understands the impact that you're making, then it's not gonna be nearly as impactful as it could be if they.
[00:09:25] if they would have eyes on it or if they would have that awareness. And the third thing with asserting your influence is you're able to create change and get things done. I don't know that any of us work in a position where you don't have to cross collaborate in some way, or you don't have to get the buy-in of another team, or whether it's finance to again, approve budget or someone who creates policy.
[00:09:54] that you are able to either change a process or change a way that we, you, your team thinks about something in an effort to get things done right, you, you need to get things done through other people. Again, whether it's through your peers that you're working alongside or the team that you're managing, you have to be able to influence them to get the work done that you want to get done on the timeline that's necessary.
[00:10:19] And if you are able to influence really well, , all of these, then all of these things then come together to come together. And you are feeling way more satisfied and fulfilled in your work because you're like, yes, I'm making progress. I'm moving things forward. People value value me in this role. They recognize that.
[00:10:41] They recognize me for my. Expertise and my perspective, and they're asking me for it, and then I'm rewarded for it. Right? So then the last part of why asserting your influence is so important is that you're able to then advance your career or your business, right? So it's not just, oh yeah, I really like what Nicole has to say, but you.
[00:11:04] Take a specific action. You might hire me as your coach cuz you're like, wow, I really like what you have to say about influence and I want some help influencing in my own career. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna reach out and I'm gonna see what it's like, um, to work, to work with you in this, in this way. So same in the corporate space.
[00:11:23] If people, you know, again, See your ideas. They hear, they hear your ideas. They value it. They understand the impact you're making. You are more likely to get that promotion or more likely to get that raise, or again, just more likely to be trusted and valued so that roadblocks get moved out of your way.
[00:11:46] And so often I hear from clients and I hear from other people like, Nicole, why can't I just do my job really, really well and get the promotion or grow my business? You know, why can't I, why can't my work just speak for itself? And frankly, doing your job really well is just table stakes, right? Like that's the price of entry.
[00:12:07] Like me being a good coach. Like I should just be a good coach period. That I should just, this is my craft, this is my work, this is what I do. I should just be, have the skills and continue to develop those skills to be a good coach. So that's great, but if nobody knows that I'm a good coach, nobody knows.
[00:12:27] about what I'm able to help my clients accomplish, then no one's gonna know that they wanna come hire me, right? So again, keeping your head down while doing hard work is actually gonna keep you stuck. You are all rockstar women. You're all doing amazing work. You're all doing amazing stuff out there. But if no one knows about it, then you aren't gonna be top of mind for that next big opportunity.
[00:12:53] So whenever those senior leaders. Are sitting around the table talking about who's gonna get the next project, who's gonna get the promotion, or again, in this market right now, when they're talking about, um, restructures and things like that, and maybe they have to consolidate different teams, and they're like, okay, so we've had to consolidate these three teams into one team.
[00:13:14] Who were we gonna have run it? . So often in times where budgets are tight, hiring is getting frozen, restructuring is restructuring is happening. What happens most frequently is if is the the rock stars, the people that they know are the high potentials, the people who've got amazing, amazing skills. Those are the people that they're gonna tap to run those consolidated teams.
[00:13:40] Those are the people that we're gonna say, Hey, we're gonna give you a bigger scope because we need to, we need to streamline things and we want you to be the person to lead it. So actually, during challenging markets like this, the top performers and the people that are, that do a really great job of asserting their influence, those are the ones that actually come out on top.
[00:14:01] in these scenarios because they're, they're already already a known entity to, to, to these teams. And so instead of bringing somebody new in off the street to, to run a team or to, or to, or to step up, they're gonna call upon you. They're gonna call upon upon you and, and, and the people again who are doing amazing work, and they are asserting their influence to demonstrate they have the ability to take on this larger.
[00:14:31] Scope, but I get that going out there and feeling like we want going out there and influencing others, we can really. resist doing that, and there's lots of reasons for that, right? One, we might just lack confidence. We just might lack confidence in using our voice and asserting that influence and, and I totally get that.
[00:14:55] So many of my clients come to me like, Just Nicole, I don't have the confidence at this level. You know, this is a new level for me, or I wanna get to that next level, and I'm just not, not quite sure, you know? You know, they just kind of, they kinda lack the confidence, not necessarily in their abilities, but they lack the confidence in communicating that and influencing that.
[00:15:17] So what I'll say is a about confidence is that it doesn't just happen overnight. You don't just wake up one day and just all of a sudden you're confident. You actually have to take steps and. and actually do the thing. Start communicating, start influencing even when it's really scary and when you see that, okay, nothing bad happened when I did that this time, whenever I communicated in this way, when I spoke up in this meeting with a bunch of senior leaders that I'm kind of nervous to be around, nothing bad happened here.
[00:15:48] So I'm gonna, maybe I'm gonna try it again, and then I'm gonna try it. The more you take action, the more your confidence will build, especially around a skill like influence. And again, influence is a skill. Therefore it can be learned and practiced and just gotten better, right? You can build a skill, you can get better at it.
[00:16:11] Other reasons why we might resist influence influencing others is we just fear that rejection or that conflict, right? You know, influencing others may, um, I don't wanna say we could backfire, but they might say no. You know, you might try to influence a certain decision and the person in the decision making position might just say, no, we're not gonna do that.
[00:16:38] So again, we might just be fearful about, again, that rejection or that it might cause some conflict and that's real and that's, you know, that's a valid, a valid human response. The trick is we just can't let that fear hold us back from using our voice and influencing, influencing that. . We also might just want to be seen as a team player, and sometimes we can have this limiting belief that by asserting our influence that we are somehow not being seen as a team player.
[00:17:15] And it's really important to make sure that. Yes, you're doing the right things for your team that you know, you're, you're doing the right thing for maybe your customer or again, for the broader group, but that still shouldn't hold you back from, you know, voicing your perspective and voicing your opinion, especially if you think, man, this is the wrong thing to do.
[00:17:39] This isn't the right thing to do. You know, asserting your influence really can help really. Change, especially whenever you're like, man, we are going down the wrong path here. This is not the right thing to do. We really need to be operating or behaving or doing things this way. So, I, I appreciate wanting to be seen as a team player and we should be working together as a team, but what happens if we don't use our voice and we don't influence maybe a change or something that needs to be done differently, and then things go off the rails.
[00:18:17] Like, if you could have stopped this by using your voice and asserting your influence, I mean, maybe they would've rejected it, right? Maybe they would've said, no, sorry, we're still gonna do this other thing. They it, it's possible. But then you can at least say, well, you can at, I don't wanna say, I don't want you to be like, haha, I told you so.
[00:18:35] Like, we don't want that energy. But you can at least feel like, you know what, I did what I could, you know, I voiced my perspective, I voiced my opinion. And then perhaps they would see, okay, you know what Nicole told us that, um, this was the right decision, this is the path we should have gone down. And we didn't listen to her.
[00:18:51] So, you know what? Maybe next time we, we pay attention to Nicole A. Little bit more and, and we, we listen to what, what she, she has to say and really consider. Her perspective because clearly she, she knew what she was talking about the last time. So again, asserting your influence might not get you the answer that you want.
[00:19:13] it might not get the result that you want, at least at the fir every time, or even maybe the, just the first time that the more often that you are using your voice and asserting that influence. People are gonna get accustomed to that and they're gonna say, Hey, let me, let's check in with Nicole. What does she have to say?
[00:19:30] She always has a great perspective on this. Again, whether or not they take you up on that idea. again, you at least demonstrating your competency in that area, demonstrating, um, your perspective in that particular area. People are at least going to stand up and respect and listen to what, what it is that you have to say.
[00:19:54] But another reason why we might infl, we might resist asserting our influence is that we don't want to be, we won't, don't wanna be seen as. I have a client that I'm working with right now. She works in the venture capital space and she then this, and I think I've talked about her here on the podcast and I've, and I've shared that, you know, she last year was looking for a promotion and so we've been talking a lot over this last, last several months that we had been working together about what is it that she needs to do in order to get this promotion.
[00:20:27] And it's not about, Again, the competence around the work that she does, it's not about any of that, cuz she has amazing experience, amazing educational background, like she's totally doing the work, but the people in the. Positions of influence or the people, the people in positions of, of decision making, they weren't seeing the value that she was bringing cause she wasn't using her voice and influencing certain things and just, and frankly just talking about what it is that she wanted.
[00:20:57] So one of the first things we did was talk about a strategy to have a conversation with her boss about what it is that she was looking for in, in her career. , our leaders, our bosses, they don't always know what it is that we want in our careers. We need to tell them we, they can't, they're not mind readers.
[00:21:15] We have to tell them what it is that we want, but she was really concerned about being seen as pushy and pushing for this promotion when you know her just asking for what she wants or her trying to influence that decision isn't being pushy at all. So we talked a lot about, you know, the timing, how frequently she talks to her boss about this and I'll, I'm telling you, once or twice a year talking to your boss about this is not enough.
[00:21:43] Your boss is busy. Think about you in your own work. You're busy, you got a lot of things going on, and. , your boss needs to be reminded and needs again, to be continually influenced. Not only just by direct words to say, I want a promotion. What is it that I need? What am I missing? Or what are the steps that I need to take in order to get there?
[00:22:04] That's one thing. But then the other part of of asserting your influence around, again, advancing your career is just. influencing decisions, sharing your perspective. And she, and we worked a lot, um, my client and I worked a lot on this over probably the course of a good six or seven months. And then she, she did at the end of the, at the end of the year last year, she did get, get her promotion.
[00:22:29] And one of the things her, her manager said to her was that, I'm really seeing you speaking up in meetings and, and talking. Talking a lot and asking questions and, and making recommendations and, and basically she's, you know, asserting her influence. And that was noticed not only by her manager, but by their customers and by other senior leaders, which made it a really easy decision for them to say, yeah, she's ready for, for that promotion.
[00:22:55] Even though she had been ready for a long time, you know, she was finally able to show that to them by asserting her, I. . And finally, the last reason why a lot of times we resist influencing others is that it can feel really inauthentic or salesy. And I can totally appreciate this, that like, you don't wanna feel like a, like a, a slimy salesperson.
[00:23:21] And the trick here is, is to figure out. influencing to you looks and feels like in a really natural, authentic way, whatever that looks like. I was just talking with a client actually yesterday. Um, she's in, she's in the job hunt right now, and she's like, you know, Nicole, like I'm an, I'm an introvert. , you know, I'm not really comfortable talking a lot about myself and so, and, and I can totally, I can totally appreciate that.
[00:23:49] I hear that a lot again from, from clients and from leaders that like, I don't know if I can be super successful in this role. I'm not the loudest one in the room. I'm not super out there and charismatic and all of these things, and you don't have to be in order to assert your influence. And so I remember talk again talking with a client yesterday.
[00:24:08] About like, what is it, what are your superpowers or what, what is it about, about your approach to communication and influence that can be really beneficial? So my style of influence and communication as, as you all might gather, I am, uh, a big, loud. Out there kind of extroverted speaker. That's just my style, that's my energy.
[00:24:33] And I get a lot of compliments actually on my energy that people are like, I really like how you present things and how you show up and how you talk, because it's natural for me. And I've just, over the years, I've just said, you know what? I'm not trying to be this, you know, this super polished button up.
[00:24:51] Professional, blah, blah, blah, whatever. That's, that never worked for me. It felt, it didn't feel good. It felt really inauthentic and I'm sure I didn't come across very well. And that's gonna be the same for people who identify with being introverted and, you know, more soft spoken or, or more quiet. I call those people.
[00:25:10] um, really, um, powerful, quiet leaders. That's that quiet leadership that maybe you don't, you're not the first person to raise your hand and speak in a meeting, and maybe you don't speak a whole lot in meetings, but I'll tell you what, people quiet, quiet up and listen in really intently when you do speak because whatever it is that you're sharing, it's profound.
[00:25:32] It's important. and people wanna make sure they get it and people wanna make sure they, they listen to it. So that's what I was chatting with, chatting with my client yesterday when she's getting ready to go into interviews, like, you know, how can that benefit you? You know, how can you, being that, that more purposeful, more, um, restraint sort of influenced and, and communication and having that more restrained communication style, how does that benefit?
[00:25:59] Right. You know, how can that actually benefit you and the team and your customers? So whatever, whatever style you bring to the table when it comes to communication and influence, lean into that. Cuz otherwise it will feel inauthentic, it will feel kind of slimy. It will feel that it, it just, it just won't feel comfortable for you.
[00:26:21] Therefore, it's gonna end up landing poorly. with, with whoever that audience is influencing is not the same as manipulating, but if you aren't accustomed to using your voice to influence others, it might, uh, initially feel like manipulation.
[00:26:36] Right? It might initially feel uncomfortable because you're not used to it, but again, like I said, if you are, um, practicing, if you are trying to build and assert that influence over time, it will feel more natural the more practice you allow for.
[00:26:54] So how do you build and assert your influence? What are some things that we can do to actively build and assert our influence in our work and in our lives? Well, first, we have to build our trust with our teams and our colleagues. In order to influence people, we have to first build that trust, and sometimes you can build the trust immediately by walking in and having a title.
[00:27:19] Or having a certain background. Sometimes that carries some really great weight by you just show up that way. But most of the time, honestly, you have to build the trust, and that does not happen overnight. So you have to take the time to build trust with your team and your colleagues. And the second piece to this is making sure that you are listening and understanding the needs of others.
[00:27:43] What is it that. What is it that is on their agenda? What is it that they're, that they are working towards? I have a, I have an executive that I've been coaching now for, oh gosh, almost two years. And um, they are the head of customer success at a small tech company and. You know, he was talking to me a couple weeks ago about, um, about how he, he was trying to develop this relationship with a peer of his in the organization, and he's like, I need, I need him to do this thing.
[00:28:15] Like, I need him to get on board with this project. And he's just, he's just really not doing it. Like he's, he's, he's, um, he's just really not receptive to this. He's like, and I don't know what, what the problem is. And I was like, okay. I was like, well, let's think about. What is it that, that, that he's tasked with doing?
[00:28:31] What is his agenda? What does he need to be doing? And he was new. This is a, this was a new person. , um, to the senior leadership team. He'd only been there maybe six months, and my client was like, well, you know, he's in product, so, you know, he's, he's tasked with, you know, building the most recent or the, the, the newest product and getting that out the door.
[00:28:50] And in an effort to gain more clients or gain more customers, new, new customers, I'm like, okay, so what is it that your team is responsible? Again, my client's the head of customer success. So customer success is typically tasked with retaining and upselling current customers. So you can already see that these two teams have, I don't wanna say competing agendas, but they're just two very different agendas.
[00:29:17] The product team is tasked with building the latest and greatest and the newest to get new customers. The customer success success team is tasked with. Nurturing and empowering and really, uh, and upselling and retaining current customers with current technology and current. Products. Right? So again, not necessarily in conflict with each other, but they're definitely two different things.
[00:29:43] So I was like, okay, so now you understand what it is that your colleague is trying to do, and recognizing now that that's different. So I wonder if he feels like you just are dumping on him and giving him more work that's not really aligned with his number one priority right now. He's like, yeah, yeah, you're right.
[00:30:01] And I was like, and I said, what are, what have your conversations been? , you know, how can your team support him and what and what, and what he's working on and what he's doing. And it was just like this light bulb went off when he was like, I have not taken the time to really understand what it is that he's working on, what his needs are, and really, really build that trust.
[00:30:24] He's like, I cannot go to him and say, Hey, I need, I need your support on this project, or I need you to help me lead this project. if I haven't taken the time to develop that relationship and build that trust and truly demonstrate that I understand what his needs are and see how I can help support how I can help support them.
[00:30:45] And so that was just a really great, again, light bulb moment for, for my client. And so he's often trying to, again, really focus on developing that relationship with that peer. So, He can move his project forward and influence him to help support that project once he's, he's done the work to build that trust and truly listen and understand his needs.
[00:31:12] The third part to building and asserting your influence is just by demonstrating your expertise. So back to, um, that other client of mine who works in the venture capitalist firm, you know, just her speaking up in meetings and sharing her perspective and asking really great questions instead of just being, you know, staying quiet, taking notes, and just taking things in by using her.
[00:31:36] she was able to demonstrate her expertise and really show that she's interested in that. She's engaged. So the, the, the fourth thing in building and as and asserting your influence is being able to communicate your ideas clearly. So again, by speaking up, using your voice, you're able to demonstrate your expertise, and you do that by communicating your ideas clearly and.
[00:32:00] Concisely, and that's honestly something that I'm working on right now is how can I be better at communicating my ideas clearly and in more, in a more concise way.
[00:32:13] And the last, the last step in building and asserting your influence is again, just developing your confidence. And we've talked about this already, that in developing your confidence, you have to do this just through repetition and just by getting out there and using your voice and trying things and experimenting, figuring out what that, what that authentic voice looks like.
[00:32:37] And you. Build that confidence over time. We c we don't build confidence by staying in our comfort zone. We build our confidence by slowly but surely. inching our way outside of our comfort zone and, and proving to ourselves basically that we can do this or that if we, if it, if it flops that we can come back from it and we can try it again, and that nothing bad is going to happen.
[00:33:05] So you develop that confidence again by getting yourself out there and actually using your voice. So again, no matter how badly we would, To be our work. Can't speak for ourselves. Your work can't speak for itself, only you can. So get out there, use your voice. Start asserting your influence because you know what?
[00:33:33] You have the expertise, you do have the knowledge, you do have a perspective, and we just need to get it out there and share it and just remembering. Asserting your influence is not the same as manipulation. And by asserting your influence, you can really create the change that you're looking for in your life or in your, in your community or in your career, and you're able to.
[00:33:58] Advance and expand your career and your business. So that's everything that I had for you today. If you've been enjoying this podcast, I'd love for you to get on my email newsletter because I share even more information over there on the newsletter and I'm also dropping additional free resources to, um, to my subscribers and also, , you know, being able to, to share even, even more and giving you kind of first dibs or the first look at some new things that I'm working on.
[00:34:32] So I'd love for you to hand over to my website@nicolecasespeaks.com and get signed up, um, for my newsletter so you can get even more of this type of information in your in. every single week. So again, thank you so much for hanging out with me. I hope you are enjoying this podcast just as much as I am enjoying making it.
[00:34:53] And until next time, remember that your career deserves an upgrade.
