Episode 37: Leveraging Our Connections To Upgrade Our Careers
We know that building our networks is important in our careers but we often resist the next step which is to actually leverage them. In this week’s episode, we are talking about why we resist asking for help or a favor from our network and what leveraging our internal and external networks can do for our careers.
Full Transcript:
Welcome back to the Upgraded Leader Podcast. I'm your host Nicole Case, and today I wanna talk about asking for help or leveraging our networks in order to upgrade our careers. And I got the idea for this episode a couple weeks ago when I was watching the final season of one of my favorite shows, which is The Marvelous Mrs.
Maisel. If you're not familiar, the show is about a New York City housewife in the fifties and sixties, and how she . Is on this path to becoming a comedic, uh, a, um, a comedic. A comedian and, um, particularly back in the fifties and sixties, you just really didn't see that. So it's all about just kind of her navigating her being a mom and, and her career in trying to grow this comedy career.
Right. And she, in the final season, she is so close to her big [00:02:00] breakthrough in the standup comedy space, and she really, really badly wants to get on . The fictitious version of the Johnny Carson Show because she thinks that's where her break, her big break is gonna come from. That's what she thinks she needs in order to upgrade her career, frankly.
And she knows someone that can talk to the host on her behalf to get her on the show, but her manager, Susie, is really resistant to this for a number of reasons. Go watch the show. Um, but one of the reasons why she's resistant to it is that she says that . You know, well, do you wanna go look back on your career and see whenever you, you know, had your big break?
And the reason why you got it was because you called in a favor? Is that's, is that what you want your story to be? And Midge is like, heck yes. I don't care what it takes, I don't care who I need to call. I just know that this needs to happen in order for me to, to get, to get the visibility [00:03:00] that I'm looking for in order to upgrade my career.
Right? And I just, I loved this scene and I just kinda love this whole dialogue because I could not agree more that this is just called leveraging your network. And I think this is one of the single most important things we can be doing in our careers as upgraded leaders. But the thing is like, I totally also get Susie's position as well because I see so many people, particularly women, resistant to the idea of asking for help or calling in a favor or reaching out to somebody in their network when they need something.
And I think there's a lot of reasons for this and I'm certainly, I'm certainly guilty of it myself as well. So here are a couple of reasons why I think people are really resistant to asking for help, calling in a favor, pulling on their network, what have you. The first, and I would say this is probably the biggest one for me, is fear of is just the fear of
now. I think there's a lot of reasons for this, and again, I'm certainly guilty of this myself as well at times. But here are some reasons why I think people are resistant to this. So first, I think people are just fearful of appearing incompetent , like seriously. And I think this has been one of one of the biggest learnings for [00:04:00] me in my career for sure, that while I love learning and growing and experiencing new things, there's also a part of me that doesn't want to appear stupid.
To other people, right? Like this has just been a theme for me. Like, I wanna appear smart, I wanna appear that I know what I'm doing. And I remember very specifically about midway through my career, I was leading talent management for a really, really large tech company. And I had never done that before.
Which that was fine. Like I'm all about like trying new things and experimenting. I'm all about that. But there was a really specific assignment that I was given, um, which was to implement a new HR system for the entire company. And admittedly it, I was implementing one piece of it out of like five. I was implementing like one, one piece of it, but.
The reason why I was chosen to to do this work and to like and do this huge technology implementation was frankly [00:05:00] because I was the only one to do it, , because a lot of people had left the company at that point, and I was really just the next best thing I. I was way not qualified to do this at all. I had no idea what I was doing, and I was already feeling like insecure about my role and all of that.
I was really intimidated by kind of like all the other leaders around me, like I was just, I was just really in this place of like, okay, I'm new to this gig. I've never done it before. I. Which is one thing, but yet this particular project just really was taking me out of my comfort zone, and I'll say that I definitely don't feel that I was set up for success by my leaders.
Like I'll definitely like, I'll, I'll share that. However, there was a piece of this that I was supposed to own as well, that I just, I was too afraid to tell people that I had no idea what I was doing. And sure I figured out some stuff as I went and leveraged my strengths and, and all those things, and it all worked out.
But oh my gosh, had I just admitted that, you know [00:06:00] what, I have no idea what I'm doing here. And if I literally could have just sat down maybe for a couple of hours one afternoon and had a couple of conversations with people, I. I would've been way more effective. I could have gotten things done way faster, way easier, and frankly, with a lot less stress had I just sat down and admitted that, you know what?
I'm not really sure what I'm doing here. And just a asked a couple of really pointed questions, asked some, asked for some help for from people in my network who I know had done this before. I would've been much better off had I just maybe swallowed that pride or just gotten over that fear of . Looking stupid, frankly, that was really what was holding me back.
Another reason why I think people resist asking for help or reaching out to their network is because they think it's a sign of weakness or they want to prove themselves to others. So kind of in this same vein, as I said just a moment ago about, you know, how I was really feeling just kind of insecure and I felt like I just needed to prove myself to these [00:07:00] more senior leaders around me, that I could do it.
You know, I think just sometimes we as leaders just think that . We have to have all of the answers. We have to do everything on our own, that there's just this, this desire for self-sufficiency and independence and we just wear it like a badge of honor, right? Like, and if for whatever reason we think that we aren't working hard enough for what we want or what we need, so like if we have to ask for help again, it's like, Sign a sign of weakness or I think if we go back to our marvelous Mrs.
Maisel example, that somehow the outcome is tainted or less than if we just didn't quote unquote do it on our own. And I see this a lot when I'm working with clients, when they're specifically working towards like a really big promotion that's like, You know, just that really big quantum leap promotion for them, or by getting a job externally and they don't wanna ask their network for support because they somehow think it's cheating.
Like literally, I'll have clients be like, well, I don't wanna reach out to my network [00:08:00] because, you know, is that, isn't that unfair? Isn't that cheating? Because I have an, I have somebody in my network and I'm somehow not on the same playing field as everyone else, and that's just . Totally not true because, you know, this is how business works.
This is how our economy works, is by working with other people that we know, that we like, that we've gotten to know. So this is totally not a sign of weakness or anything like that. It's just, it's part of the, it's part of the gig, right? It is. Part of the whole process is by leveraging those folks in your network already.
Another reason why people don't want to reach out is because they don't want to be a burden. They wanna feel like I'm, you know, I'm low maintenance. I don't want to take up a lot of my network's time. Everybody's so busy, and yes, everybody's busy, everybody's got a lot on their plate, but. If you think about it, if the tables were turned and you had some sort of [00:09:00] information or you had, you know, some sort of connection or something like that, wouldn't you be upset if you could have quickly and easily helped someone out and they didn't reach out to you because they thought they were being a burden?
Yes. The answer is yes. Like you would be really, you'd be really frustrated and upset with your friend or with the perfect person in your network if they would've just reached out to you because you totally could have helped them, and probably the support that . You were, you were going to give to that person was probably not gonna take up that much of your time anyway.
But for some reason we build it up in our heads that, oh, this ask or this question, or this connection I'm gonna ask somebody to make is just like a really big deal and it's gonna be a huge burden. It's gonna take a lot of time. And most of the time that's just not true. Another reason why people don't reach out is because.
They don't know that someone could help them, right? They don't. They're like, well, I don't have anybody in my network that does this thing, or I don't know anybody inside the [00:10:00] company who does this thing that might be able to help me out with this. And maybe that's true, right? Maybe you don't know, um, somebody directly that can do that thing or can support you in that way.
But that's the beauty of networking because. People who you do know might know someone else, right? That's how the daisy chain works. Like you could be like on the, the side of the soccer field at your kid's soccer game and talking to a random parent standing beside you, and holy cow, they might, they might know somebody in their network that can be a really great resource for you.
Again, that's, that's how networking works. We see this in the coaching space all the time, which I absolutely love that we have like this community because if I'm not the right coach for someone , I'm gonna reach out into my network to see who might be, and it's often that I'll reach out to somebody and they say, oh yeah, I know this other person over here.
And then we make the connection that way. So even if like you think, well, I don't know anybody that can help me, I still have to do this all on my own. That's just not true. [00:11:00] Just start talking about whatever your challenges or whatever it's that you're working on or whatever it is that you're looking for.
And I bet that once you start getting the word out there about that, that someone will be like, ah, yeah, I totally know somebody who can help you with this. The fifth reason why I think people resist reaching out for help or leveraging their networks is frankly because of perfectionism, right? Like we have this perfect idea of a plan built up in our, in our heads that this is how this is gonna go, and.
Life sets in and that's just not how it always turns out. Right. And so sometimes we have to adjust our picture perfect plans and interject either another person or just kind of another, you know, side quest in order to get, get done whatever it is that, that we're trying to get done. And finally, I think another, I think the a, a really big reason why I think people resist reaching out to their networks or leveraging their networks is because we [00:12:00] recognize that networking is supposed to be a two-way street and mutually beneficial, which is certainly true, but we can often undervalue what we can offer others.
So they're like, well, you know, it doesn't make sense for me to reach out to the c e O that I know because what could I possibly offer back to A C E O? Well, first of all, you don't know that until you start talking with them. 'cause CEOs and senior C-Suite folks, they need help and support just like everybody else.
Um, but that doesn't mean that this is a whole like tit for tat sort of thing, right? This is not a one-to-one. You know, like trading favors kind of thing. Networking and building relationships is a long game. This is a long strategy. It's not about cashing in favors or keeping score, but there will certainly be a way that you can give back or support when that timing is right.
You just never know when that, when that . Is gonna come up and it might not even be directly to that person, right? So sometimes it might be, you know, [00:13:00] hey, you know, my, um, my niece or my nephew is, you know, needs some, some help and support, and I think you're the right person to kind of help guide or point them in the right direction.
Like, again, it might not even be a perfect one-to-one, uh, uh, kind of, you know, uh, returning the favor situation. It could be something adjacent, you just never know. But it's so important that we are leveraging our networks, and when we do leverage our networks, either internally or externally, it really just opens up this whole world for us.
One, we get access to opportunities right when we start . You know, talking about what that next job that we're looking for or that next promotion building and leveraging those relationships, they just, they get us access to opportunities. This is how 75% of people get their jobs is by leveraging. Networks And this, I will say this is partially why the good old Boy Clubs club exists, right?
Because [00:14:00] that network is just unapologetic about asking for favors and asking for support, or asking for connections, right? So we should be doing the same thing ladies. We should be doing the same thing. So, you know, at going out there and leveraging those networks are just . Or just even just say, Hey, I'm in the job hunt right now.
Or, Hey, I'm looking for this promotion right now. And you, you tap into somebody internal who's got really good, a really great, um, line of sight to the leadership team or to the people that, you know, make some, make these types of decisions. You know, this is what this is all about is, is getting you access to those opportunities that you absolutely deserve to have access to.
Another, um, just great benefit of . Leveraging our network is just, it gives us insights into each other's knowledge and expertise. Especially like if you've never done something before, just like getting somebody else's take on it can be so, so helpful. And I'll give you just a really simple. [00:15:00] Example. So I remember several years ago as I was really getting my business kind of, I was really kind of formulating the idea for my business and remember talking to a leader at work and just telling him, you know, about, we were actually, I think we were just talking about what we were gonna be doing that weekend and I said, yeah, I think I'm gonna.
Gonna spend this weekend like working on my business plan and I need to do some research on lawyers to help me get my L l C started. I was just, you know, chatting with him about that kind of stuff because I knew that he was, um, a consultant previously and still had his consulting business. So I, you know, just kind of mentioned that to him and he goes, Nicole, You do not need a lawyer to open your own L L C.
And I'm like, what are you talking about? And so like he was just telling me just how simple and easy and fast it is to open an L L C and you can do it on your own. You don't need a lawyer for that. And he told me, he was like, Nicole, after this meeting I want you to go back to your desk and I want you to Google how to start an L L C in North Carolina and then you let me know what you come up with.
And I'm like, [00:16:00] Okay, fine. So we finished up the rest of our meeting. I go back to my desk and I remember it was late and you know, it was like dark outside already. And you know, I just did a really quick Google, you know, how to start an L L C in North Carolina and figured out just how ridiculously simple it was.
And, 20 minutes later, I sent him a text message and said, my L l C has been opened . And it was just, it was just so funny because like, you know, we're just having, you know, just a really cool conversation with a leader in my office. And he was just sharing his knowledge and expertise for, you know, how he opened up his own l l C and consulting business.
So sometimes if you just, if you just don't know how to do something or. You know, you just want somebody's take on it. Like you could just get so many great insights and just learn so much faster by tapping into, you know, your network. Right. And you can also just build some really great skills, right? You can, you know, learn something new, learn some, learn it from someone who's already done [00:17:00] it.
And, and honestly, this should be the first thing on your list if you are in a new role, whether, whether you've just gotten a promotion internally or you've . Taken, you know, on, on a new team internally, or if you have gotten a new job externally and you wanna come up to speed very quickly, the first thing on your list should be going out and talking to people and building out your internal network.
A lot of times I hear particularly from women, Um, is that, you know, you know, I'm in this new role, I need to put my head down and just learn and just like read things and all of that stuff, and, and yes, let's go out and learn to get to, to come up to speed quickly. The fastest way to do that is to build your network.
So again, I cannot stress this enough. If you are new to a role, the first thing that should be on your list is going out there and building your internal network. What this also does is helps build a reputation of having a growth mindset and a continuous learner, right? And I'll say that I think that approach has really served me [00:18:00] well in my career.
That when I get over myself, right, and I do leverage my, my network and ask questions that people see me as someone who is always trying to up my game. I am trying to learn from the best and just like really tapping into . The amazing knowledge that, that the, the all amazing people that I have around me have.
And I think those people that I learn from remember that. And so, you know, and I think a lot of people, you know, value a growth mindset and continuous learning. And so when, um, when I'm demonstrating that, hey, this is how I'm doing this in real life, that they remember that, and then they keep me, keep me in mind for, again, opportunities and things like that.
Also, it's particularly if you're running a team. . Collaboration and teamwork is just so, so important. And let's just be clear, like as leaders, we do not get anything done in a vacuum. You don't get anything done by ourselves anymore, right? Whether we like it [00:19:00] or not, we need other departments to buy into our project ideas and share resources and just work together to move the business forward, right?
So if you wanna get things done, we need to be collaborating cross-functionally. And again, this is true. . The more we move up in our, in our careers, the more we move up in the ranks at our organizations, the more we are . Leaning on other people and other departments again, to, to, to work through things. And this is gonna be way easier when we have built those strong internal relationships.
So I can remember, um, you know, back working in hr, like really . Collaborating and, um, building strong relationships with, uh, say the people in finance. I loved, I loved, loved working with my partners in finance, my counterparts over there. And I always remember like one time in particular going into a meeting saying, okay, [00:20:00] we, I need to go in this meeting.
I need to influence this, this senior executive about something and let me like go talk to the finance person first. Let us get in alignment and say, listen, I'm gonna need your back in this meeting 'cause I know this leader is gonna push back on this partially due to budget and I will, and I want them to know that you and I are already lock step in this so that this meeting goes
So much faster and so much smoother and we can just get stuff done. Right? Let's just get shit done. And um, and I think that if we want to see this happening in our own teams, we have to model this and expect this for our own team. So we can only do this if we are modeling it for others. So, So that is another big reason to ensure that we're building relationships and leveraging our networks is just so that we're collaborating better and just building that culture of teamwork.
And just finally, basically everything that we've been talking about so far by leveraging our networks and asking for favors or asking for help where it makes sense. [00:21:00] We're being more effective. We're getting things done faster. We can get so much done faster and easier, more effective, effectively if we just ask for help Sometimes, like I had a client of mine a couple weeks ago.
He was sharing with me that there had been this email that's just been kind of in, in his, in his drafts that, you know, he needed, um, he had had this idea to reach out to somebody to ask for help. He's new in his role. He had not done this particular part. Uh, he's, I. Kind of gotten other pieces of the business that is in his remit now that he had not had previously.
And he wanted to reach out to someone in his network just to kind of, you know, ask for a little bit of advice and, and ask for a little bit of help. And he had been sitting on this email four months, I kid you not four months. And finally we kind of dug into like why he was resistant into sending this email and when he final and we got off the phone and he like sent me a note just a few minutes later, said, email sent.
And he's like, I feel so much better. [00:22:00] And he's, and then when we got back on the phone for our, for our next session and our next session, I. That he had connected with that person in his network. He had offered so much great advice and direction and support. He was just like, I cannot believe that I sat on this for months.
Like, how faster could I have moved? Or how earlier could I have gotten some of this stuff done had I just sent that email earlier? Right. So it's so important for us to be leveraging our networks and in just reaching out to those amazing people that we've built these strong relationships with over time and really just
You know, ask for their support, ask for their advice, or whatever it is that we're gonna go in and, and ask for because we know we are gonna be way more effective. And you know what? You know they're gonna come back around and they might ask for something from of you someday. I already know you're out there providing that, that support to others.
So we should be open and just willing to accept that [00:23:00] support ourselves. So I hope this was a great episode for you. I hope I have helped you maybe shift your mindset a little bit on this topic. If you are loving this podcast, love these topics, I'd love to hear from you directly. Send me an email at nicole@theupgradedleader.com.
Send me an email over there and let me know what else you wanna hear about. I'm putting together the rest of, um, uh, content calendar for the, for the next couple of months. I'd love to hear about the topics that you wanna hear more about. This is for you. I do this podcast for you all, so send me an email and let me know.
But in the meantime, remember, your career deserves an upgrade.
